SIMPSON: Hello, Doodle Bob's Snicker factory.

APESHEET: Sorry, I must have the wrong number. This is the ApeSheet returning a call from Jessica Simpson.

SIMPSON: Oh, cool. This is Jessica. Didn't I call you guys like a month ago?

APESHEET: Right. Sorry about that. We've been really bad at returning messages lately. You said something about being upset with the Super Bowl. Big Panthers fan, are you?

SIMPSON: Who? Oh, were they one of the teams or something? I didn't really pay attention to the game. I don't like sports much, except maybe figure skating. Is that a sport? Anyhow, what was I talking about?

APESHEET: Good question. All I have so far is that you don't like football, and you're upset about the Super Bowl.

SIMPSON: Oh yeah! The Super Bowl. You know I performed at the Super Bowl. I flew all the way back to Texas just to be in that stupid half-time show, but does anybody remember that I was there? No. They just wanna talk about Janet Jackson's saggy boob. God, it was so nasty. Like, who cares about some old woman's boob?

APESHEET: Well, I guess that would depend on which old woman and what you consider old. I would agree Janet's boob wasn't much to ogle, but she's the same age as Salma Hayek, and I would pay cash money for a good look at those sweater puppies. And, what about Isabella Rossellini? She's in her 50s, and I still wouldn't mind seeing her naked?

SIMPSON: Who? That woman from that movie with Goldie Hawn when she's dead and that Die Hard guy?

APESHEET: Exactly. Death Becomes Her is what you're talking about.

SIMPSON: Nick and I watch that all the time. She's naked in that and her boobs do look pretty nice.

APESHEET: That's not really her. That girl from JAG was her body double in that movie.

SIMPSON: Catherine Bell? She's got great boobs!

APESHEET: Can't argue that. So what did you want to talk about again?

SIMPSON: I don't really remember. I just know that I was really upset that Janet got all that attention for the half-time show. I wasn't even mentioned and my 23-year-old boobs are a lot tighter than hers. I've got these big juicy watermelons and she just has those shapeless granny sacks. Don't you think I deserve more attention?

APESHEET: Absolutely. Next time, try taking off your top.