IS HE INTO ME
OR NOT?
 
BY SAMANTHA WARANCH
 

A few months ago, I, along with millions of other frustrated women (and Sex and the City fans), rushed out to purchase the book He's Just Not That Into You. "How liberating!" I thought, "There are no mixed messages! Everything is black and white he is either into you or he is not. And if he is not, move on sista!" The one great thing about reading this book was that I became the best advice giver. When a guy did not call my friend when he said he would, I was all, "Sorry, he's just not that into you." When my friends went on dates and the guys did not make a move I was like, "Honey, he's just not that into you." I even lent the book to a friend who desperately needed it. She read three pages, saw how much it applied to her life and gave it back saying that it was "stupid." "She's hopeless," I thought.

However, then I began having guy problems of my own. For two years, I've been convinced of a connection between me and this guy. So when he told me that he would be in Los Angeles and I should call him, I ignored the warning voices in my head saying that he should call me. I called him, left him a message and he never called me back. Why did he tell me he was coming to LA? I did not need to know this information, in fact my life would have been better had I not known. HE was the one who said we should hang out and HE was the one who insisted that I call him. I'm sorry, but those are mixed messages.

I have been sort of seeing this guy who lives an hour away. He drives to me because he knows that I don't like to drive and also that I suck at it. The few times we've gotten together, it seemed like he had fun. He'd say things like, "We need to see each other more." Then a few weeks will pass and I won't hear from him but I'll get an email telling me how busy he is but asking me for plans. Umm mixed messages much?

Now, I know the author of He's Just Not That Into You would tell me that, shocker, these guys are just not that into me. Move on sista! But the thing is I like them. I'm not sure if I am ready to give up on them. I'm not sure I am ready to give up on mixed messages. While I spend a lot of time trying to decipher these mixed messages it's not like I have all that much else to do. Plus I am a very good multi-tasker. I can analyze men at the gym, in the bath, while shopping, while eating, while pretty much doing anything.

So NOW there is another book called Be Honest...You're Not that Into Him Either. Also written by a man, it somewhat contradicts the other book saying that there are, in fact, mixed messages (I knew it!), casual sex is ok sometimes (thank god) and it's ok if he's not that into you because quite frankly, he is just a diversion; an illusion or a guy you're dating until you find your soulmate.

I AM SO CONFUSED!!!! Are there mixed messages or not? Is he into me? Am I into him? How do I know? When should I care? Should I care at all? Should I get rid of guys I like because they are acting shady? I've acted shady plenty of times when I've liked guys so if I can do it then why can't they?

So this is my personal solution. Fuck the whole thing. They say you find love when you least expect it, so girls, let us all band together and do this. Throw away these confusing books. Take this month (well take October since September is almost over) and go on strike. Did you see 40 days and 40 nights? Well I am giving up boys for a whole month. I'm giving up thinking about them, dating them and hooking up with them. I am going to get manicures, eat In & Out Burger, see cheesy movies by myself, take long bubble baths, masturbate and do all of the things that make ME happy.

So to answer my question "Is He Into Me or Not?" I vow (at least for October) to not care. I am into myself and, quite frankly, that is all that matters. However, I am hoping by April there will be a book called Deciphering Mixed Messages which will give every possible dating scenario and analyze every possible explanation for a guy's shady behavior.



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