EMAIL FROM THE EDGE
MY NUTTY AND ME
 
BY BRAM
 

Wed, 27 Sep 2000 2:33:20 PM Eastern Daylight Time

I ALWAYS HAVE HAD BIG BALLS. NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF....THEY JUST HANG AND GET IN THE WAY.

A FEW WEEKS AGO I GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER AND CHECKED MYSELF OUT IN THE MIRROR (LIKE ALL GUYS DO). MY LEFT NUT ALWAYS HAS HUNG LOWER THAN THE RIGHT. THIS, MY FRIENDS HAD ASSURED ME, WAS NORMAL. BUT ON THIS DAY, SOMETHING WASN'T NORMAL......

I FELT MY LEFT NUT AND REALIZED IT WAS HUGE........LARGER THAN A CUE BALL!! I WAS VERY CONCERNED. MY CONCERN VANISHED AS MY WEEKEND AND USUAL BINGEING BEGAN. MY NUT BECAME A JOKE FOR THE WEEKEND AS I FLASHED IT TO ALL THAT WOULD LOOK.

THEN ON MONDAY I SOBERED UP. I NOW FEARED THAT SOMETHING WAS DEFINITELY WRONG. I IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THE DOCTOR.

THE DOCTOR YELLED, "WOW!!!! THAT'S A HUGE TESTICLE" SO THAT EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE COULD HEAR. I HEARD HIM ON THE PHONE WITH A UROLOGIST SAYING THAT IT WAS AN EMERGENCY AND THAT HE HAD TO SEE ME TODAY.

I WAS FAINT........CANCER? WILL THEY CUT IT OFF? NO HOPE OF CHILDREN? THESE ARE A FEW CONCERNS THAT RUSHED THROUGH MY HEAD AS I DROVE TO THE UROLOGIST.

I GO INTO THIS SHITTY, 1970'S STYLE OFFICE AND STRIP. WHILE STANDING, THE DOC PULLED UP A CHAIR. HE WAS EYE LEVEL WITH MY CROTCH AND NOW THE SECOND GUY WHO FELT MY BALLS IN THE SAME DAY......FOR SOME A DREAM, TO ME A NIGHTMARE.

NEXT THING I KNOW HE TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS!!!! WHAT'S GOING ON? IS THIS A REAL DOCTOR? A PERVERT? IS HE GOING TO MAKE ME HIS BITCH? I LOOK DOWN AND MY WHOLE BALL IS GLOWING RED!!! HE LOOKS UP AT ME AND SAYS I HAVE WATER IN MY TESTICLE. APPARENTLY, HE WAS PUSHING A LITTLE LIGHT AGAINST MY NUT MADE WHICH MADE ANY WATER IN IT GLOW.

DOC SAID THERE WAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. NO MEDICAL CONCERNS. NO FUTURE COMPLICATIONS. I ASKED WHY I FELT SOME PRESSURE ON MY BALL. HE SAID, "YOU HAVE A HUGE NUT, THE WEIGHT OF IT IS PULLING DOWN. IT WON'T GET SMALLER. CHANCES ARE IT WILL GET BIGGER."

SINCE THEN IT HAS GROWN TO THE SIZE OF A LARGE POTATO. FOR A WHILE IT WAS UNCOMFORTABLE...I KEPT SITTING ON IT, IT WOULD HANG OUT THE SIDE OF MY BOXERS AND TEA-BAGGING JUST DIDN'T WORK. I HAVE SINCE LEARNED TO LIVE WITH IT. I TREAT IT WITH SPECIAL CARE (I NOW WEAR MORE SUPPORTIVE UNDERWEAR) AND OCCASIONALLY WHIP IT OUT TO AMUSE OTHERS.

ALL IN ALL, THE EXPERIENCE HAS GIVEN ME MORE RESPECT AND APPRECIATION TOWARDS MY TESTICLES. ALSO, IT DOESN'T HURT THAT I NOW LOOK A LOT MORE IMPRESSIVE IN TIGHT PANTS!

YOUR NUTTY BUDDY, BR.

To read more of Bram's misadventures, follow this link.



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