THE LAST ANGRY
BLACK MAN
 
BY DIRK SMILE
 

"Niggaz always gotta show they teeth Now I'mo be brief. Be true to the game."
--Ice Cube, "True to the Game"

I have come to the realization that I must now become the Angry Black Man. (That's right! Don't let the punkass slave name fool you.) Someone has to do it, and nobody seems to be steppin' up to the plate. When I talk about angry black men, I don't mean those dumb ass brothas who are always starting shit and getting' kicked off The Real World. A real Angry Black Man (ABM) would never appear on such a show.

I'm talking about men like Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, Denmark Vesey, Huey Newton. Men who could intelligently articulate black rage, mobilize masses of people, and most importantly, scare the hell outta whitey! Who today meets these criteria? Farrakhan has gotten mellow in his old age. The Black Israelites certainly are angry, and I'm sure they may scare a few tourists with their silly costumes and Biblical gibberish, but most New Yorkers just ignore them. I like Rev. Al Sharpton, but I don't think he really strikes fear into the hearts of white folks. A man with a perm is just not scary (This goes for you too DJ Quik!)

You can't find any ABMs in popular culture either. Rap music used to be the purest expression of black rage. Who is the angriest man in rap today? FUCKING EMINEM! There aren't any more Niggaz with Attitude, just Niggaz with Affluence. They got rich making music and movies, appearing on fuckin' Leno "showin' they teeth" and they ain't angry any more. (Except maybe for Ren, cause he can't get on Leno).

Blaxploitation films of the `70s were terrible, but they had one common theme. Pam Grier's BIG NAKED TITTIES! No, that's not it. I meant to say they were all about sticking it to da Man! Superfly, Sweet Sweetback, The Spook Who Sat By the Door. These were all films about men fighting against the system. Today what do we have? Fucking Will Smith! Will Smith, who set the movement back 20 years with his Jimmy Walker act in Wild Wild West, sunk to Stepin' Fetchit depths in The Legend of Bagger Vance. In this movie he plays a mystical caddy who shucks and jives and helps some dickless honkey get his golf swing back. What the Fuck?! What is up with these movies like Bagger and The Green Mile with magical black men who appear out of nowhere and whose sole purpose is to help white people. They won't help their own people or even themselves. I'll say it again, What the Fuck?!

This is serious shit. There is no time to be complacent. We have made some strides, but there is still injustice in the world. Racism still exists. Affordable housing and healthcare aren't available to everyone. There is slavery in the Sudan. Michael Bolton and Kenny G! Need I say more? Anger can lead to action. So, as of today, gone is the old nerdy, quiet Dirk Smile who doesn't make waves and owns Weird Al Yankovic tapes (Don't ask). This is the new Dirk who speaks out against injustice and fights the system. Ooh gotta go! Who Wants to Be a Millionaire is on!

Peace out.



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