It happens all the time. Someone has too much to drink and decides to prove that "this gun ain't loaded," introduce the new guy to heroin or take Ruth Kligman and Edith Metzger on a drive. Whatever the story is someone ends up with a dead body on his hands. And as we all know it isn't easy to dispose of a dead body. Sure, you can chop it up and bury it, but then you have to worry about some pesky jogger finding it. Or you can dissolve it in acid and dump the remains, but if those TV forensics programs teach us anything, it's that all it takes is some left behind DNA and you're locked in a cell posing for Benetton. So what's an accidental murderer to do? It's simple. Disguise the corpse as art and you'll be saying, "Goodbye dead body" in no time.

People mistake art for dead bodies all the time. Just ask artist Duane Hanson. One of his sculptures, Queenie, a life-size and lifelike cleaning woman, was once mistaken for a corpse. At the time it was wrapped up and lying in the back of a van. Somebody noticed it and assumed the worst. When the police got there they asked the movers, "Where's the dead woman?" Was it a sculpture? Was it a dead body? Who knows, but either way it worked.

So the next time you have a "little mess" on your hands, just remember, "art!" It may not be the perfect solution, but sometimes there just isn't enough time to find a hunting knife, duct tape and an old oriental rug. To get the ball rolling, here are some suggestions on how to use art to get rid of a dead body.

1. Sure Christo's art is good at making dead bodies, but is it good at getting rid of them too? You bet! Just wrap the corpse in a sheet and pass it off to the Whitney as a real Christo. By the time they're asking, "What's that god awful smell?" you're on a flight to Mexico. Christo also used oil drums as an art material, and as any good mobster knows oil drums are great for concealing a body, dead or alive.

2. In most cases people think they need to stash a dead body somewhere they assume it will never be found, like "secluded field" or "creepy guy's backyard." Wake up people! Those are the first places they're going to look. Instead of the obvious dumping grounds, use an art exhibit that no one is ever going to see. Try any show with "community college juried selection," "original Eskimo sculpture" or "Jennifer Bartlett" in its title.

3. Seek out a tall building and go to the roof. Toss the corpse off. Run as fast as you can downstairs to a payphone and call the police. When they get there, start crying out, "Oh god! Not again Carl Andre, not again! Why! Oh god why did you do it Carl Andre!"

4. These days anyone with a couple of dollars can convince the Guggenheim to put on an exhibition. With that in mind, disguise yourself as a rich corporate CEO looking to sponsor an exhibit and spread the word. When the Guggenheim calls, explain to them "my company is interested in doing an Art of the Corpse exhibit." Then just sit back and wait for the exhibit to open.

5. Try dumping the body behind Joel-Peter Witkin's house. When he finds it, he'll just probably think, "OK, who has been messing with my props again?"

6. Call up a random space in Chelsea and tell them, "Mr. Close is dropping by today to see the exhibit and he would appreciate if you didn't bother him." Once that is set up, all you need is to shave the corpse bald, glue a fake beard on it, put it in a wheel chair and roll it into the space. Position it in front of a piece and then hightail it out of there. By the time someone gets up the nerve to talk to it, you'll be long gone.